This Is WHY You Still Have A Dadbod (And It’s Not What You Think)

Posted on Posted in Blog

There is an all too common reason why you still have a dadbod.

And it has nothing to do with nutrition, training, or sleep.

So, what is it?

The all-or-nothing mindset.

And if you’re anything like the busy dads we work with on our DDP program, then this might be your kryptonite as well.

You know, that obsession with doing everything right OR nothing at all. You’re either all in, and doing great, or you’re out.

But perfection doesn’t exist. It’s a shadow on the wall. The more you move towards it, the further away it moves from you.

So what if I told you that the #1 reason you keep failing your fitness goals is because you expect too much from yourself, too soon, with no leeway for learning or failure?

What if I told you that getting to your goal, isn’t about trying harder, being stricter, or trying something fancy or different?

That it’s not about your hectic schedule or that you don’t know what to do?

At least not as much as you think.

As a matter of fact, we have many dads on our program, who’ve done amazing despite their crazy schedules, or the fact that they had no idea about what to do when they first came in the program.

(By the way, if you want to learn how to start your weight loss journey for FREE we’ve created a 5-Day Weight Loss on Autopilot course, that teaches you how you can drop 10-20 lbs with our Personal Menu Automation method. Grab it here for FREE.)

So, then, what divides the people who succeed from the people who fail, if it’s not the lack of time and knowledge or the never-ending responsibilities?

Rigid vs Flexible Mindset

Our most successful trainees, those who have crushed their goals, created lifelong habits and sustained their results aren’t those who make no mistakes.

After all, they’re human like you and me.

They are the ones who put our advice into practice, mess up, learn from their mistakes, and get back on the horse consistently.

If they miss one workout, they don’t let it bulldoze them into missing a whole week.

If they over-eat in one meal, they make sure they nail the next one.

If they make a mistake, they seek the lesson in the mistake, and learn from it rather than labelling it as a failure.

After all, mistakes are the stepping stones to achieving your goals.

You make mistakes on the things you have more to learn on.

The more mistakes you make and learn from, the closer you get to your goal.

Which is why going from a rigid to a flexible mindset is essential.

Because you need to learn and keep iterating until you’re on your way to results. But you can’t do this if you’re always stressed, disappointed and angry at yourself. Obstacles and mistakes are an inseparable part of the process.

The rigid mindset is a perfectionistic, fixed and closed mindset. It’s selfish, and focused on protecting the ego. It’s judgmental, stiff, and hard. It aims to protect who you are rather than learn and improve.

On the other hand, if you possess a flexible mindset you see mistakes as learning opportunities. You are open to new perspectives, ideas, and taking on risks and challenges, and focus on the wins rather than get bogged down by slip-ups.

Then, how do you become more… flexible?

You Are What You Practice

Just like you need the right kind of repetitions to build muscle…

…you need the right kind of repetitions to exercise and transform your mindset.

Your brain creates habits through repetitions that evoke positive emotions.

Whether that is feeling better after training, noticing your gut shrinking or even having less body aches – if your brain loves it, it will stick.

Then the more times you do it, the more your brain ingrains it as a habit.

If you possess an all-or-nothing mindset, it’s because you have practiced it countless times throughout the years either consciously or unconsciously. It served a purpose.

But if it’s not serving you right now, it’s time to change it.

Going from a rigid to a flexible mindset requires intentional and deliberate practice towards the opposite direction.

But before we delve deeper into how to become more “flexible”…

Avoid this common mistake

That last part is crucial. It explains how our brain works.

But most people are unaware, so they end up sabotaging themselves.

An unwanted thought pops in their mind (self-talk) and they instantly invest energy into it.

They converse with it. Fight it. Analyse it. Try to prove it wrong.

The more you invest energy into a thought, the more you show your brain that this thought is important to you, the more you’re going to get it.

So you end up getting it more.

The same goes for the all-or-nothing mindset. The more you invest energy into the absolute thoughts that your mind gives you, the more you’re going to get them.

So, what can you do?

How can you part with these thoughts, change your mindset, and become more…”flexible”?

1. Notice the thoughts

The first step you can do is to merely notice the thoughts.

If you’re familiar with mindfulness practices, you know what I mean.

Don’t judge your thoughts. Don’t analyse. Don’t fight back, agree, or even converse with them. Invest no energy. Just let them pass through your head.

By doing that, you signify to your brain that these thoughts aren’t that important to you. You weaken the neural pathway that is linked to them, and you start getting them less and less.

Plus, you won’t go into a down spiral and you won’t get the associated feelings of analysing it even further.

2. Reframe your negative self-talk with self-compassion

If you struggle with the all-or-nothing mindset, chances are you talk poorly to yourself.

You judge, criticise, and belittle yourself when you don’t rise up to your unrealistic expectations.

But, would you talk that same way to your wife or kids?

If they missed a training session, would you speak poorly to them and make them feel even worse?

Or, would you try to help them see that it’s not the end of the world and tell them to just get back to it without judgment?

If you chose the latter, then why do you keep doing this to yourself?

What are you trying to achieve?

At these times, notice your self-talk and interrupt it.

If it’s critical, cruel, hard and judgmental then say something along the lines of, “it’s okay, I’ll just get back on the horse – it’s a process. I’m learning how to do better.”

Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, as you would a loved one. Show self-compassion. Have patience. Be more lenient.

This will slowly enforce a more positive self-image.

3. Combat your negativity bias by counting your wins and practicing gratitude

Our brain isn’t designed and evolved to seek for and focus on the positives in our lives.

It always defaults into scanning for danger and threats in our immediate environment using a system called RAS (Reticular Activating System).

This tendency is called negativity bias.

The more stressed, exhausted, fatigued and frustrated you are, the less you’re going to appreciate the good things in your life, your progress, and wins, and the more you’re going to focus on what’s wrong, what you didn’t do, and how you aren’t good enough.

To combat this, you have to go out of your way to practice gratitude and count your wins.

You have to go against your brain’s default systems.

You have to teach it, and practice constantly.

In DDP we have dads do that all the time.

We have them list their achievements daily, and weekly. What they did well. What they managed to do.

This helps them see that they are indeed progressing even if they’re doing tiny steps and motivate them to keep going.

Gratitude gives way to patience, motivation, consistency, and helps decrease stress massively.

4. Embrace the “never miss twice” rule

One of our favourite practices is the never miss twice rule.

This means that if you miss a training session, mess up a meal, sleep very late one day or anything else, then learn from it, and just make sure you don’t miss two times in a row.

This helps you be more lenient and less critical with yourself and not get bogged down by the occasional slip-up.

It also helps you focus more on getting in that next repetition instead of going down a negative spiral.

It teaches you to simply jump back on the horse, consistently. One slip-up means nothing in the grand scheme of things.

One good meal or workout won’t make you thin. One bad or missed meal or workout isn’t going to make you fat.

So, just get back to it.

Summary

Dropping the All-or-Nothing mindset is a herculean task.

It’s an ingrained pattern and uprooting it takes deliberate practice and patience.

But it’s doable.

It’s a learned behaviour. One that you have practised over and over again.

But nothing is set in stone.

Our whole coaching method is built on this premise based on neuroscience, psychology and the principles of consistency.

If you’ve learned something, you can unlearn it, and learn something better.

Remember, you are what you consistently practice.

Becoming self-aware of that voice in your head, interrupting it and adopting a more helpful perspective and internal language is key.

One that will cheer for you and help you feel more motivated and be more consistent in the long run, so that you can get to your goals.

Slowly, but surely.

Whenever you’re ready, here’s how we can help:

Does our content resonate but you feel overwhelmed and lost especially amidst the crazy dadlife? Then click here and see how we help dads just like you feel amazing in their skin again by dropping 10-20lbs and building a strong and lean body.

.